Thursday, October 29, 2015

I Gave The Sheriff My Word

One of the promises I made to myself, when I started writing this blog a few months ago, was that I would always be honest but kind in everything I said. At times, this has been more nerve wracking to do than I expected. It's one thing to talk honestly with your girlfriends, they're known territory. You don't have to worry about filtering your thoughts. You'll get a pass if something you say comes out wrong. They know what's in your heart and what you probably meant to say in the first place. But with a blog, it's different. You need to be careful to say what you mean not what you meant. So on that note, I've got something to say. I do not like Halloween.
I recognize that for most people them's fighting words, but here's the thing. Halloween involves anything and everything that can make a mother's life crazy. Let's start with the most obvious part. If I'm doing my math correctly, Halloween will fall on a school night 75% of the time.  C'mon- that's just wrong and we all know it. It means juggling schoolwork and candy drama on the same day. In all the years that I've been in charge of running that show, it's always been a challenge. I've thought long and hard about it and I think I've come up with a solution to this problem. Thanksgiving has managed to get its own designated day of the week each year. How about we do the same for Halloween? I say we pick the last Saturday of the month and call it a done deal. Everybody wins.
Next up to bat? The pumpkin carving. Who's idea was it to give knives to small children so they could cut holes in hard round objects? In theory, this seems like it should be a fun project. But in reality?  Every mother knows this is a pastime fraught with danger. It's like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion, praying no one gets hurt.
Assuming no one loses a finger, there's the next part where they have to pull out slimy strands of pumpkin guts. Invariably, it manages to get stuck on every surface of your kitchen.  I'm not blaming the kids- it's not their fault. That stuff just seems to get everywhere, no matter how careful everyone tries to be. Even the roasted pumpkin seeds can't make up for the debris this activity leaves behind. 
Next, we have to talk about the candy - it always comes back to the candy. First off, there's the candy you pass out. If you buy this too early, it'll be gone before you know it. Kiddos are like bloodhounds when it comes to this stuff- they can't help but follow the trail. You can always try buying the candy they don't like, but I have to advise against this practice. If you choose that route, then you'll be stuck eating Bit-O-Honey instead of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups after they go to bed. Take it from me ladies, life's too short to eat Bit-O-Honey when you could be eating peanut butter cups.

Finally, there's the issue of all the candy they bring home from trick or treating. Look at that boy's face. That's the face of a boy who feels like he's won the lottery at a Willy Wonka factory. So much candy, so little time.  As his mama, it's my job to be the one who has to cut him off at the pass. Being the candy police is not a fun job, especially when your kids are as cute as mine. Because I don't know if you've noticed, but I have really cute kids.
I mean, look at them. That's seriously cute.  Okay, so maybe I've been focusing on the wrong things all along. Perhaps I've been too quick to judge. Maybe it's not about the details. Halloween should probably be about my kids. About how excited they get when October rolls around. About how much they look forward to dressing up and heading out to find that one house that gives out "the really good candy".
 Yep, ain't no bones about it. I'm going to approach Halloween differently this year. You can take that to the bank because I've given the sheriff my word. And when I give my word, I really mean it. 



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